


I promise that I'll make y'all proud

by orphan_account, The Lord of Butts (Buttlord69420)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Texting, Multi, a stupid wrong number au, eventual gayness, very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 02:05:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7782670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttlord69420/pseuds/The%20Lord%20of%20Butts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander Hamilton attempts to text someone. He ends up texting the wrong number, that number being John Laurens. Shenanigans follow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I promise that I'll make y'all proud

**Author's Note:**

> i'm writing a hamilton fanfic because the guy on the $10 bill ruined my life

Alexander Hamilton had not slept in six days. He wanted a break from dating his girlfriend, to see other people. He was stressed over asking her. Actually, when was Alexander ever not stressed?

Never, of course. This was Alexander Hamilton. Anyways, he was more stressed than usual.

He finally decided to text her and tell her to call him. Picking up his phone, Alexander attempted to type in Eliza’s number.

 

**anactualsliceofham started a conversation with i-would-fuck-a-turtle at 6:01:49 AM**

**anactualsliceofham:** eliza we need to talk

**anactualsliceofham:** please call me when you have a chance

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** sorry buddy but i’m not eliza

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** you’ve got the wrong number

**anactualsliceofham:** shit

**anactualsliceofham:** sorry for texting you at 6 am and probably waking you up

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** sleep is for the weak

**anactualsliceofham:** i’m gonna go actually text eliza now

**anactualsliceofham left the conversation.**

 

Alexander sighed, spinning in his swivel chair and attempting to text Eliza again.

 

**anactualsliceofham started a conversation with i-would-fuck-a-turtle at 6:11:25 AM**

**anactualsliceofham:** eliza we need to talk

**anactualsliceofham:** SHIT FUCK NOT AGAIN

**anactualsliceofham:** ...while im here would you really fuck a turtle

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** if the turtle consented to it, yes

**anactualsliceofham:** fair enough

**anactualsliceofham:** so uh

**anactualsliceofham:** i should probably actually go talk to eliza now

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** ok bye

**anactualsliceofham left the conversation.**

 

**anactualsliceofham started a conversation with ESchuyler at 6:14:12 AM**

**anactualsliceofham:** this is eliza right

**ESchuyler:** Yes

**ESchuyler:** What do you need?

**anactualsliceofham:** we need to talk

**ESchuyler:** Oh

**ESchuyler:** Am I being broken up with?

**anactualsliceofham:** kind of?

**anactualsliceofham:** i just think we should see other people for a while, just to see if we find people we’re better with

**ESchuyler:** Alright

**anactualsliceofham:** you’re okay with it?

**ESchuyler:** Of course

**ESchuyler:** If we don’t find anyone better, we can just as easily get back together

**ESchuyler:** It’s better than, say, you cheating on me or something

**anactualsliceofham:** that was before we were officially dating

**anactualsliceofham:** maria wasn’t even good in bed

**ESchuyler:** While I appreciate that comment, it still doesn’t justify you cheating

**anactualsliceofham:** alright yeah that’s fair sorry

**ESchuyler left the conversation.**

 

That was… a lot easier than Alexander had expected. He sat there for about two minutes and considered sleeping until his phone buzzed.

 

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle started a conversation with anactualsliceofham at 6:29:37 AM**

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** who is eliza anyway

**anactualsliceofham:** my girlfriend up until a few minutes ago

**anactualsliceofham:** i just broke up with her so we could see other people

**anactualsliceofham:** also why did you start a conversation with me we have talked once and it was a wrong number

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** because you seem with a cool guy to hang out with

**anactualsliceofham:** i Guess

**anactualsliceofham:** i mean like i am but we literally met because i texted the wrong person twice

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** i shared my turtle-fucking habits with you that means instant friendship

**anactualsliceofham:** well i mean if thats what youre into i cant stop you

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** anyway, what’s your name, man?

**anactualsliceofham:** alexander hamilton, you?

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** john laurens

**anactualsliceofham:** laurens?

**anactualsliceofham:** you mean like. senator henry laurens?

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** that is the name of my father, yes

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** can we not talk about this he’s an actual piece of shit

**anactualsliceofham:** oh thank god i thought you might actually share political views with him for a second

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** yeah no i definitely dont i probably shouldve said that in the first place

**anactualsliceofham:** its been nice meeting you but i have to go to school

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** it is saturday

**anactualsliceofham:** oh

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** also the middle of summer

**anactualsliceofham:** oh

**anactualsliceofham:** i haven’t slept in like a week please cut me some slack

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** excuse me but what

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** go to bed this instant alexander

**anactualsliceofham:** ive done longer before im fine

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** that sounds really unhealthy please go to bed you are stressing me out

**anactualsliceofham:** says the one that said “sleep is for the weak”

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** i am a hypocrite yes but i aM CONCERNED FOR YOUR HEALTH

**anactualsliceofham:** fine, i’ll go to sleep

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** thank you

**anactualsliceofham:** next week

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** i am adopting you as my son. go to bed son

**anactualsliceofham:** no, father, i will not go to sleep

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** end this behavior young man

**anactualsliceofham:** you cant tell me what to do youre not my real dad

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** where is your real father. i would like to have a word with him about your slEEPING HABITS

**anactualsliceofham:** beats me lol

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** i am very sorry. where is your mother

**anactualsliceofham:** uh buried in st croix

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** oh

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** i’m sorry

**anactualsliceofham:** no its ok

**anactualsliceofham:** i’m gonna go, actually sleep now

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** alright

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** good night my son

**anactualsliceofham:** it is 6:30 am but good night

**anactualsliceofham left the conversation.**

 

Alexander got up, walked to his bed, and fell face-first onto his pillow. He expected to sleep into next Saturday.

He woke up a few hours later to his phone notifying him of a new text.

 

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle started a conversation with anactualsliceofham at 5:01:16 PM**

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** my son it is time for dinner please eat something healthy

 

Alex rubbed his eyes. This John Laurens guy seemed very concerned about his health.

 

**anactualsliceofham:** all i have at my house is a half-empty box of lucky charms and some cheese

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** you are an actual slice of ham why don’t you eat yourself

**anactualsliceofham:** father i am not a cannibal

**anactualsliceofham:** also i literally just woke up and am not ready to deal with a life choice as important as dinner

 

Alex’s phone buzzed. Someone else was texting him.

 

**it-is-I-the-frenchiest-fry started a conversation with anactualsliceofham at 5:06:07 PM**

**it-is-I-the-frenchiest-fry:** hey you wanna come to the new pizza place down the street with me and herc

**anactualsliceofham:** yeah sure

**it-is-I-the-frenchiest-fry:** alright we’ll be there around 5:30

**it-is-I-the-frenchiest-fry left the conversation.**

 

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** go to the store my son you need to make healthy life choices

**anactualsliceofham:** don’t worry i have some friends who just invited me to a pizza place

**i-would-fuck-a-turtle:** good. don’t eat too much

**anactualsliceofham:** i will not father

**anactualsiceofham left the conversation.**

 

Alexander struggled to get out of his bed. He fell back onto the bed once and then successfully stood up, steadying himself on his desk. This knocked a few empty water bottles over. Alex made a mental note to put those in the trash later. (He would not. He was lying, to himself and to the world.)

He changed into a shirt with an American flag design on it and some jeans. Who would wear a  **F R E E D O M** shirt to any social gathering, you ask? Alexander Hamilton would.

Grabbing his green overcoat and putting it on (the heat of summer and the fact that it didn’t look decent with his t-shirt at all wouldn’t stop him), Alex left the house. A couple of pigeons landed nearby while he was walking down the street, somebody trying to walk a snarling dog past the scene. Someone discreetly dropped a bit of bird food on the ground.

Lafayette, the friend that had invited Alex to the pizza place (his name was actually Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, but literally no one had the time to call him that), was leaning on a brick wall outside the restaurant. He was wearing a jacket in the summer, and Alex wondered if he was dying of heat stroke. Next to him was a bench, where Hercules Mulligan (another friend. Nobody believes his name is actually Hercules but it’s true.) was sitting. There was plenty of room for another person.

“Hey,” Lafayette greeted as Alex approached. He nodded slightly and joked, “You’re late. It’s 5:31.”

“Being on time is for WIMPS,” Hercules replied casually. “If Lafayette didn’t yell at me to be on time I would’ve been here in…” He counted on his fingers. “About seventy years. Sixty-nine, to be exact.”

Alex looked at his hands. “That’s eight fingers, Herc.”

“No, it’s sixty-nine, weren’t you listening to me?”

“Alright, alright,” Alex said, throwing his hands up in mock surrender. “It’s sixty-nine. Also, Laf, why the hell aren’t you sitting on the bench? There’s plenty of space and it’s more comfortable than a brick wall. Also, take your jacket off. I’m concerned for your health.”

Lafayette looked him dead in the eyes and said with a straight face, “France, bitch.”


End file.
